BRAVE

I have really struggled this year with my health and on a personal level with my own demons. I've really had a hard time being diagnosed with several chronic health issues. The chronic fatigue has affected me more than anything. I was told a few weeks ago that basically I just need to live with it. That certainly didn't make me feel better. It's hard to pick yourself up and be healthy and active when you could literally shut your eyes at a traffic light and sleep. It's hard to motivate yourself when you are chronically fatigued. It's hard to keep going.

 

I have felt so beat down that I have let people walk on me and really didn't care. I have let people make snide little comments and I didn't smart back.

 

I found the lyrics to Sara Bareilles' song 'Brave' and it sounded a lot like what I've been experiencing. It's time to be heard and not walked on like a doormat. I will be distancing myself from those who try to bring me down and trying to stay upbeat and positive.

 

2014 will be the year I'm 'Brave'!!

 

 

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle 'neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out

 Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

 

Everybody's been there, everybody's been stared down
By the enemy
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
Don't run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

 

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out

 Honestly I wanna see you be brave

Ever since your history of silence
Won't do you any good
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don't you tell them the truth?

 

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

 

 

HOLLY SPRINGS HIGHLIGHTS

Kalea-Kate went to her third USDAA agility trial over the weekend. She is really proving herself to be a force to be reckoned with in agility.

She had a near perfect day on Saturday. She was in Advanced Gamblers and Advanced Jumpers for the first time. In Gamblers, she ran perfect. Paid attention, ran the path I wanted her to. When the buzzer went off for the Gamble, she didn't hesitate. Went right out to the tunnel and straight down the line of jumps without a bobble. Q/1st.

She held it together on Advanced Jumpers run for another Q/1st. Starters Snooker was an almost. She back jumped #6 in the closing so we ended up with not enough point to Q. I never got a good feel for the Snooker course, just couldn't get a plan together...KK was honest with me about not knowing the plan and it kinda fell apart.

Starters Standard was near flawless for a Q/1st. Missed weave entry but other than that, she was right on. That was the only missed weave entry of the weekend.

I entered KK in Steeplechase just to see what she would do. She was flawless and Qualified!!! I think she was by far the youngest dog in the field and I was bursting with pride over her performance!!

Sunday ended with no Q's but with lots of bright spots. She ran clean in Advanced Jumpers but was overtime....she was a little slow because I had let her chase geese with Marley earlier. My oops.

Starters Pairs was a complete bust. KK had one bobble but pairs is a duo and if your duo can't do it, then you are sunk! We did run accommodating partner for someone else and KK ran clean.

Starter Standard was lovely until the table when KK decided she did not have to 'down' nor did she even have to look at me. We will be practicing lots of table downs before the next trial.

Steeplechase finals was beautiful until #16 where she took an off course. I should have done a shoulder pull to the left but I didn't and the off course jump was in front of her and she took it. I'm just proud she made Finals.

I got lots of compliments on KK and how well trained she is. She is a diamond in the rough that is starting to shine brightly!!

 

Videos of her runs can be found on our YouTube Account: RunARescueAgility

LITTLE ROCK LOWDOWN

Kate and I ran in our local AKC club's All Breed Agility Trial this first weekend in November. It was a good trial for us. She finished her Open FAST Title and got an Excellent Standard leg. She is in all Excellent classes after 6 months of trialing...not bad for a baby who just turned 2.

This trial really opened my eyes to how just the slightest shoulder rotation or a dropped hand can cause Kate to come in to me or take an off course. I am going to have to really concentrate on my handling skills. Distance will be our friend! I'm lucky that Kate has an awesome start line stay, because that is the only time I will be ahead of her on a course. She is so much fun to run! I can't wait to see where our journey takes us!

We have 2 more trials this year. USDAA next weekend and an AKC trial in early December. I have entered Marley in the AKC trial and am hopeful she will be able to compete. The USDAA trial should be fun as a lot of my training buddies are entered too. Trialing is so much fun when your real friends are there!

CARTHAGE CATCH UP

We ventured to Carthage, MO 2 weekends ago for some AKC agility. Just KK was entered. We had a good weekend. She earned her Open Standard Title and I moved her up the next day to Excellent Standard. She had a good Standard run with just some baby mistakes. Both of her Excellent JWW runs had some baby mistakes or handling errors on my part. I'm learning how to handle from the rear. I will never be able to run with KK like I do with Marley. There is no way I can front cross her in a jumpers run....to front cross you have to be ahead of your dog and that will not happen with KK.

 

I found the trial venue to be filthy. Animal excrement on the railings. No where decent to walk your dog. The venue was so disgusting that I would not bring my other dogs inside. I left them in the van. I could not risk Marley getting an infection in her paw from the filth. The trial secretary was not nice and unfortunately I had to speak to her several times. Carthage does not have much to choose from in terms of restaurants. There was a restaurant on the venue premises but after seeing how nasty the venue was, there was no way we would eat there. Carthage is at the bottom of my trial venues, I don't now if we will go there again.

 

On a positive note, we got to go to Precious Moments Chapel. It's changed some in the past 10 years. Unfortunately it's been hit by the bad economy. But it is such a peaceful place and I have such good memories of being there with my mom. We stayed at the Best Western Precious Moments motel and it was just as wonderful as I remember it. So the trip to Carthage was worth it.



THE PRESSURE IS OFF

We are a few weeks removed from our UM-Columbia vet visit. We took a few days to rest and then I started some rehab with Marley. Walking up hills. Exhausting but good for us. On those walks I had time to think and make decisions. One of the decisions I made was about Marley's future.

 

Marley is officially semi-retired. I will enter her in trials here and there for fun and because I love to run with her. I had put so much pressure on myself to push Marley farther than anyone thought we could go. When she started showing signs of failure physically, I just couldn't see past my goals...I wanted to continue to prove people wrong about her. I couldn't see that she was physically struggling, she was hurting, all I could see was MY dreams dying. I couldn't see her trying to please me despite her pain.



 

 

As one vet told me right after Marley was diagnosed with bilateral HD 'it will always be a push and pull with Marley'. Some times I will be pushing her to exercise, to let me do her stretches and other times I will be pulling her back in, trying to reign her in. Marley has been feeling good the last week or so. Active, playing and back to full on chase and wrestling with KK. Watching her so happy and carefree makes me dream about what could have been. But it was not to be.

 

True to her name, Marley is back on rest as she ripped one of her pads almost off. It's wrapped and the vet wants it to stay on for a week....I'm sure that will happen.


I will always have my dreams for Marley and they may remain just that...dreams.



LAST MINUTE DECISION

Marley and I went to the University of Missouri's Veterinary Hospital in Columbia on Sunday. She had a 1pm appointment on Monday. I went into the appointment with the full intent on having a Total Hip Replacement on Marley's left hip. I had prepared myself, was ready for the rehab...


We had a great 4th year vet student. We went over Marley's history and he did his exam. I had to laugh when he came back in to ask me something that he knew his supervising vet was going to ask him. I'm unfortunately not new to going to vet schools and their procedures. This makes #4. I could hear the student present Marley and could hear them discussing her agility.


The supervising vet came in and talked with us and did an exam on Marley. Pain was elicited on both hips when extended. She has good muscle mass but has a minimal decrease on the left. Then he asked me if I had achieved everything I wanted with Marley in agility. Tears immediately filled my eyes and I fought hard to keep them from falling. I told him I hadn't, but I was ok to retire her, that I don't want her to be in pain.


The vet went over 2 choices. The first is to medically manage her. Which would be getting about 2 pounds off her (she's an ideal weight now but he wants her on the skinny side), keeping her active (2/3 low impact exercise (swimming, walking up hills), 1/3 high impact exercise (minimal agility!)), and managing her pain.


Our other option is a Total Hip Replacement. They could do the surgery the next day, she would be hospitalized for 2 nights and then would be sent home. I would have specific instructions regarding her activity. We would have to return in 8 weeks to the vet school for follow up. He discussed how she would probably need to have the other hip replaced and they could do that 3 months after the first hip. He went over all the complications of a THR and what would need to be done if she had one of those complications. He said if she had the THR she would be back in agility within 6 months with no restrictions.


He laid all the information out and then asked what I wanted to do. There was no pressure to do the THR, just what I wanted to do. I said I want to see one more set of Xrays but I was leaning towards a THR. They said they thought that was a good idea. I signed the consents and left for some lunch.


They called while I was at lunch and told me to come back. The new Xrays revealed some progression of the HD and a new bone spur on the left. When the new Xrays were compared to the ones I had brought with me from 2 years ago, there just wasn't a whole lot of difference. As I stood there looking at those Xrays, I changed my mind. I said I wanted to medically manage her. They were totally supportive of my decision. They took the time to go back over everything with me. Although we dodged the bullet this visit, it is inevitable that we will be back within a few years and we will walk out with a THR.

TIME TO FACE THE MUSIC

The orthopedic appointment that I have been putting off since Marley's bilateral hip dysplasia diagnosis is upon me. We go Monday. I should know late Monday afternoon if Marley will require surgery now or if we can put it off until later.

I have cried thousands of tears since her diagnosis in April 2009. We have overcome so many obstacles but this is one obstacle we cannot overcome. The time has come to make a decision.

And I have made my decision. Marley will receive whatever she needs. I owe it to her. She has been by my side and has done what I've asked of her in agility and rally and that dreaded obedience. She has endured so much both physically and psychologically. And she has done it in true Marley style...big blue eyes and that precious head tilt.

But the reality is that hip dysplasia will end her agility career.