BURNOUT???

I have been doing agility basically since 2003. Off and on with 3 different dogs who all had very different attitudes towards agility. I have had varying degrees of success and varying degrees of frustration. But I have never been at a point where I thought I could quit.

Molly was my first agility dog. We did agility because she was rambunctious and I needed an outlet for her energy. We started doing it for fun and did it off and on for several years often with long breaks due to illness/injuries on her part. We changed trainers and got caught up in the competitive side of agility. Molly didn't enter her first agility trial until she was around 7. Although she amassed many titles, she never loved it. She did it for me. In reality, I think she hated it. She has never once climbed the Aframe or dog walk in my agility yard since she retired. I forced her to do it and she did it for me because she loved me. Plus she loves a good car ride and was always up for a trip.

 

I deliberately adopted Marley for agility. She looked like a litttle Aussie as a puppy and I thought she would be a good agility candidate. I didn't count on the multitude of health problems that she would deal with. My little fluff ball turned into a Golden Retriever sized dog who stole my heart and soul. I tried to do everything right for Marley. I put her in obedience classes, worked with her and waited until our agility trainer said she could start agility classes. Unfortunately, Marley developed a dog reactivity issue and was often scolded and manhandled by the trainer and I didn't step in and stop it. I regret that I let another person who had no training in dog reactivity 'train' my dog. I often left class in tears and would cry all the way home. One day I finally had enough and I sought out a different trainer. It was with this trainer that we found our 'home'. She helped me immensely with Marley and helped me achieve so much with her. And I will always be grateful to her.

Unfortunately once the dog reactivity issue was under control, Marley was displaying rear end lameness and was diagnosed with bilateral hip dysplasia. I was completely devastated. All the dreams I had for her just died. I remember crying on the phone to my mom about Marley immediately after she was diasgnosed. Crying so hard, I could barely speak. Marley got put on pain meds and rested for weeks and then we tried agility again. She was able to continue. She was hit or miss in the competition ring. She either ran or walked. I never knew what dog I was taking to the start line. She stayed on pain meds her entire agility career and she frequently got pulled from trial for lameness. I never ran her injured.

We even worked on obedience and trialed both obedience and rally. She earned her Companion Dog (CD) title (the first All American Dog in Arkansas to do so) and 2 rally titles. I only did obedience and rally to prove people wrong about her. Marley is a good dog, she was just misunderstood and didn't get the proper training until I changed trainers. Despite her hips and the pain she was in, she earned a multitude of agility titles (including 2 QQ's) and is even the #1 AKC All American Dog in Arkansas. She is in the record books forever. No one can take that from us.

 

Marley has retired from agility and now has 2 new hips. I'm hoping by the end of the year, I will try her in some backyard agility and see if she's still interested in it. Due to all of Marley's health problems, we have spent alot of time together and I have shed many tears about her.  She needed me and I needed her. My best friend always tells me that I love Marley differently than I love my other dogs. And that is true. She is my soul dog.

Kalea-Kate or KK or Kate (as I often call her when running her) was also adopted to be an agility dog. I adopted her shortly after my mom died, I was trying to fill a void in my heart. She was in agility classes literally the week I brought her home at 14 weeks old. She was fearless and showed great potential. I told myself while I was training her, that I wouldn't push her into competition. But I did. She was in her first trial at 16 months. Even though she was just a baby, she stepped to the line and Q'd her first run and was earning titles by her second trial, I regret entering her that young. With all the early successes, I just kept pushing her.

 

She started having some issues. She refused to take any contact obstacles for several trials and would off course to the weave poles. That girl loves to weave! We worked through that and she quickly got through Novice and Open in AKC. USDAA standard took us awhile because she decided the table was optional and refused to lay down on it. The table continued to haunt us and now she refuses to even get on it at trials. She will get on it all day at my house and at training, but she refuses to table at a trial.

We are now at a stallmate. She can throw down some 6.5yps jumpers times and get awesome Gambles but she won't get on the table. She is frustrating me. I've been pulling her from the course when she refuses to table, but that isn't working. She literally runs up to the table, turns back to me and barks at me. Then she runs from me when I try to pick her up to remove her from the course. I often leave the standard ring furious and near tears. I don't understand how this little dog is so awesome in every other run, has great distance but refuses a simple table. I don't want to squealch her enthusiasm and speed, nor do I want to run/walk along beside her just to ensure a Q. I want her to RUN and be KK but to listen to me and follow my direction.

KK has awesome potential in agility. I get compliments all the time at trials on her ability and speed. She's a great little dog who happens to love agility.When I first started trailing with KK, my goal was for her to earn her ADCH and MACH while she was 3. That was a very realistic goal. She is actually fairly close to both right now, but I don't think that's going to happen and I really don't care anymore.

Agility just isn't fun anymore. I don't know if I've just lost the passion for it and just need a break or if I'm really done with agility. I just don't know. But I do know that life has happened. For those close to me, they know what that means. And life is pretty great right now.

2014 IN REVIEW

2014 has come and gone. It was a year filled with many ups and downs and many, many bumps in the road.

KK started out the year earning multiple agility titles and her first DAM Q. I gave her a break from USDAA agility in April due to some table problems. I continued to run her in AKC agility to give her time to mature. Just as we were coming together as a team, she got deathly ill and we didn't know at one point if she would make it back to agility. She ended up diagnosed with ehrlicia and Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever and an adverse reaction to a steroid injection. She was out of commission for about 4 months. I entered her in a trial at the beginning of November and the old KK was back. Not her usual speed but her skills were back. We did a few more trials and she had some great successes. She ended her last day of her last trial for 2014 with her very first QQ.

Marley retired from agility in February due to worsening bilateral hip dysplasia. She had a right total hip replacement in October and has done great. She has just been the best patient ever. I thought she would give me fits being restricted so much, but she hasn't. She loves her crate and her evening X-pen. I have scheduled her left hip replacement for March 10. I'm hoping within a year, she can run pain free and maybe do some backyard agility.

Missy is 14 1/2 and is very healthy and active. She keeps the young dogs in check. Molly is slowing down at 13 1/2 and unfortunately has been attacked 3 times in her own yard by a neighbor's GSD that has required multiple stitches and drains. She hates being restricted to the house and backyard but until the GSD's owner does something with his vicious dog, I can't let her out in the front yard.

On a professional level, I quit the job I've had for almost 13 years and accepted an Assistant Professor position at UALR. It was the best career decision I've ever made. Only my real friends knew the real details on why I chose to leave. But I needed to go be happy and I am now. I was put in charge of the pediatric course after just 7 weeks of employment at UALR. I love the collegiate setting and the professionalism of it. I love that administration stands behind their employees and our work group is a tight knit group and has each other's backs.

Leaving my previous job caused me much pain. I was attacked and basically bullied via emails, texts, FB and even had a rumor started about me. I had to block 27 people from my FB just to get away from the drama. Keep in mind, these were grown women who were acting this way. Ridiculous!!

I struggled so much with my emotions and feelings this summer due to the work drama and the fact that KK got so deathly ill and Marley had major surgery. I had to dig deep and find internal strength to get through it all. Despite everything I endured, I found my strength and found someone who is my rock and holds me up when I need it.

 

I ended 2014 on a happy, positive note. I'm happy both personally and professionally. My girls are healthy and happy. I can't wait to see what 2015 holds!!

 

 



 

MARLEY AND MOLLY UPDATES

Marley was seen back at Mizzou last week for follow up X-rays 9 weeks post op for her right total hip replacement. The implant remains stable and there is new bone growth around it. She is completely weight bearing on her right hip. She is happy and playful and has been the best patient. She is still on short leash walks with no house privileges yet. The surgeon was pleased with her progress. She will get repeat X-rays in February and will probably get a little freedom at that time. I, however, have scheduled her left total hip replacement for March 10. I want her to know life pain free. She is now just on Rimadyl for her left hip.

Molly has been the unfortunate victim of being attacked by a neighbor's GSD (German Shepherd Dog) 3 times. The first time was significant bites to her back and thigh that required stitches. The second incident she was bitten on her shoulder and thankfully that did not require stitches. This last incident was quite severe. She was bitten on the neck and it caused significant damage. She required surgery and had 3 drains placed. It has taken almost a month, but she is finally better and all of the wounds have healed. The worst part of it all is, that she is being attacked in her own front yard. The GSD is getting into my yard and attacking my dogs. I cannot allow my own dogs out in their own yard due to this GSD. The owner of the GSD told me the dog doesn't bite people...... I haven't caught the dog attacking Molly but I have seen the dog in my yard. It is beyond frustrating!! I hate disrespectful, ignorant pet owners, especially owners who fail to see that they own an aggressive dog and choose the do nothing about it.

BACK TO TRIALING

KK and I ventured back into the agility ring for the local AKC club the first weekend of November. It was her first time back in the ring since July. My goal for her was to just get through the weekend, stamina wise. She took to the ring like she had never been sick. She ended up with 2 Q's in T2B and Master JWW. Her speed was back but not up to top speed yet.

We then went to McKinney a few weeks later where she managed a 50% Q rate and even placed amongst dogs that compete basically every weekend. I was pleased with her progress seeing as we have done very limited training.

Over Thanksgiving we went back to McKinney for a 3 day trial. She had many high points but I got very sick and we had to leave the trial early. She managed several Q's despite me.

The next weekend we went to Shreveport where she had a stellar weekend, going 6/7 Q's and earning her very first Double Q with a Double Blue! I was very happy with her. She's coming right along for a little dog that was so sick this summer.

We are now on an agility hiatus until late January when we will start back doing some USDAA!!

MARLEY HAS A NEW RIGHT HIP!!

After many years of dreading the surgery, I signed the paperwork for Marley to have a Right Total Hip Replacement at the University of Missouri on Oct. 9. It was hard for me to do, but I know that Marley needed the surgery and she has been in pain for so long. She needed the surgery. And it was finally time in my mind and heart.

While Marley was getting preop labs and Xrays done, my friend and I went to a local diner that was recommended to us by the girls at the front desk. As we were eating, the waitress stopped by and dropped off a business card and said a local artist had paid for our breakfast. Columbia has been so friendly to us. We have gotten a free meal twice at local restaurants when we have been at UM.

We stayed in the waiting room until the surgeon, Dr. Fox, came out and said Marley had come through surgery well. She was waking up nicely and once she was settled in the ICU, the student would let us see pre/post op Xrays.

Marley's hip pre/post hip replacement

 

New right hip!

 Our vet student was so knowledgeable and friendly. She even took my phone back to the ICU and got some pictures of Marley for me.

Marley in ICU

 

Marley did very well and she was discharged home the next day. I was beyond nervous but I am so grateful my best friend was with me and did all of the recovery stuff. Marley was even putting weight on her right leg the very first day.

 

We drove all night and even stopped at the cemetery to visit my mom's grave on the way home. I haven't been to my mom's grave in about 6 months. We took new flowers and an angel for her grave.

 

My friend and I got tattoos last week. I went with a verse: 'You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it'. I added a butterfly to remind me of my mom. Those close to me know how much I've struggled with life since my mom died. We found this verse and it was so fitting to me and my struggles. I just need to keep being strong at whatever life throws at me.

 

 

 

Marley is crated during the day and night when I'm not here and she has a condo in my living room so she can be with me during the evenings.

 

Marley is getting better everyday.

 

 

 

Her sutures came out today and we meet with a physical therapist tomorrow to start some light rehab with her. I'm glad I finally made the decision to do the surgery but I know that she will have to have the left hip replaced, probably within the next 6 months or so. But for now, we will focus on getting Marley stronger and healthier and when the time comes, she will get a new left hip.

 

Marley hugging her Mommy. See her little paw on my shoulder?

 

 

I'm so grateful that my best friend has been by my side through it all. I would not have been able to get through this without her. I'm grateful that my trainer/friend kept KK for almost 2 weeks for me and grateful to my dad who was able to stay with Molly and Missy while I was in Columbia. I'm grateful to my new job and friends who let me take off work to take Marley to Columbia and who checked on us while we were gone.

 

I'm blessed to have the right people in my life at the right time. I would be lost without them.





MARLEY'S SURGERY DATE

Marley's hip replacement surgery had been scheduled for Tuesday, October 14. I received word last Wednesday that they needed to move her surgery up due to the surgeon going out of town on the 14th. After some juggling with work, I was able to get off work and she is now scheduled for Thursday, October 9 at 8AM.

The next week is going to be rough. I have an agility seminar with KK this weekend that I am really looking forward to. I come back from the weekend and immediately have finals for my pediatric students. Wednesday is going to be a long day at work and then we have to leave for Columbia.
My dad is going to babysit my older girls and KK is staying with my friend/trainer for a week. Hoping she gets a little attitude adjustment while we are separated. I babied her all summer while she was so sick and she has gotten an attitude from all the pampering. I think the separation will be good for both of us.

So grateful that my best friend is able to go with me to Columbia. I know I am going to fall apart when they take Marley away from me and I need someone with me. I'm going to be a basket case the whole time she's in surgery and hospitalized.  I know she needs the surgery badly, but I'm still not ready. I don't think I will ever be ready. But I know it's in her best interest.

SEPTEMBER TEARS

September. A month I dread. Especially the last part of the month. It's been almost 3 years and the pain is still as fresh as it was in 2011. I literally sit and think about the last time I talked to my mom. I can tell you the last time I talked to her and what we talked about. It was September 22 and Grey's Anatomy was coming on TV. That was our last conversation. I would give anything to talk to her one more time.

 I still feel overwhelming guilt about taking her off the vent, even though I knew she was already gone. My good friend asked me how she could be there for me this month. I don't have an answer. I never know when the pain and tears are going to strike. They struck tonight.

People say time heals. They lie. At least for me, time hasn't healed me.