THE DARKEST TIME OF MY LIFE

I know this blog is title Life with Marley, but really it's a blog about me. I haven't blogged in awhile because my world fell apart on the afternoon of Friday, September 23 at 2pm.


I was putting the last bags in my RAV preparing to take Marley to Louisiana for an agility trial. My dad had come over to pick up Molly and Missy to take them home for the weekend while I was gone. The phone rang and it was the hospital telling us that my mom, who had been hospitalized with pneumonia, was having some respiratory difficulty and some confusion. They wanted to let us know that they were transferring her to ICU. Just minutes later we received another phone call telling us my mom was 'coding' and did we want them to continue a 'full code'? I told them yes. We quickly called my parents' pastor and he left to go to the hospital to be with my mom. We threw my agility stuff out of the RAV, put the girls in and we left. It was a 2 1/2 hour drive filled with shock and tears. The hospital called a bit later and told us my mom had a heart beat back after 20 minutes of 'coding'.


We arrived at the hospital to find my mom on a ventilator and unresponsive. It was a difficult weekend and on Monday, September 26 we took my mom off the ventilator and she peacefully went home to Jesus. It was a painful time but we were surrounded by my mom's many friends and relatives. We had a wonderful turnout for her visitation and funeral. Her funeral service reminded me of the many special friendships she had throughout her life. The message was comforting to me because I know that she was loved by so many.


My girls looked for my mom while she was in the hospital. They ran into the house and checked her recliner and then ran to look for her in the computer room. It broke my heart because they didn't understand where my mom was. After my mom died, we took them to the funeral home. I took them in one by one to see and smell my mom's body. Molly went first. I picked her up and she got excited when she first saw my mom. I put her close and she looked at her and smelled her and then she turned her head back to me. Missy caught on sooner and once she got close to the casket she pulled herself back into me. Marley was a bit more of a challenge. She was a little bit harder to get picked up and get close to my mom. She too got excited when she saw my mom and she immediately caught on. It may sound morbid to some, but for me it helped me. I didn't want my girls to just wonder what happened to my mom, I wanted them to know. When we got home, Molly got in my mom's recliner and tried to bite 2 people who got too close to her while she was in the recliner. Ever since then, whenever we go to my dad's house, Molly sleeps in my mom's recliner.


There have been so many mornings since my mom died that it is all I can do to get up in the morning. I try to put on a somewhat happy face and go about my day when in reality all I want to do is get back in bed and stay there. It has been the darkest time of my life. I have tried to carry on with my life but it is so hard. I have attempted to trial Marley a few times since my mom's death with varying degrees of success. My heart just isn't into it. I hope with time things get better for me.

My mom always looked forward to the girl's blog and I would always call her when one of the girls had been on the computer. Makes me sad that she can't read about her grand dogs.