MOTHERLESS

Another Mother's Day has come and went without my mom. Holidays are still very hard on me. I try to avoid Facebook so I don't see pictures of everyone with their mom, knowing I'll never be able to do that again. This is the first year I didn't go to my mom's FB page and post. I just couldn't do it. It's too hard.

People always say time heals. Time only makes the loss more bearable. If you haven't lost your mom, you have no idea of what the feeling is like. Knowing that I can never call her and hear her voice again. Not being able to tell her about my day. Not being able to share the highs and lows of my life. Sometimes I want to call her and tell her something about the girls and I can't. I want so much for her to see me now and share this part of my life with her. But it will never happen. I get so mad at myself because I can't remember the entire last conversation I had with her. I can only remember pieces. If I had only known that was the last time I would talk to her, I would have recorded her voice.

This week my mom will celebrate another birthday in heaven. While I know she's whole and happy, I'm left here to live without her and that breaks my heart. The tears flow easily at any memory of her. I find it hard to look at pictures of her or talk about her without crying.  Sometimes I think that avoiding talking about her is unfair to her but it's the only way I can cope with losing her. Recent events in my life have really tested my strength and I wish so bad I could talk to my mom about everything. But that wasn't how my life was laid out to live. There's a reason I was given this life. And I have to dig deep to find the strength to live it.

6 TITLES AND A TUMBLE

We went to Terrell, Texas last weekend for a NADAC trial. We left the RV at home and stayed in a hotel. I forgot how much trouble it is to haul all your stuff into the hotel and then you have to get up early on Sunday to haul it all back to the car. I forgot to bring my Clorox wipes to clean the room, so then I was paranoid about touching anything. I hate having to check under the furniture for pills or dropped food before the girls can come into the room. I don't like leaving the girls in the hotel room while we go out to eat. I always worry about them, especially since Marley can open doors. So that means we have to haul a crate into the hotel too. Then you have to listen to people in the halls and in the rooms beside us. Ugh. I missed my clean, homey RV!!

KK had a great trial, going 9/11 Q's. She also earned 6 titles: Novice Chances, Novice Touch & Go, Novice Versatility, Open Jumpers, Elite Tunnelers and Elite Standard. KK dropped a bar in Novice Chances when I yelled her name as she was jumping. She also had a scary fall from the dogwalk on Sunday during Elite Standard. She was running well and doing her distance work. She exited the tunnel and started up the DW fast. She was nearing the descent and I was already saying 'easy' for her to hit her contacts when all of a sudden she was in the air and then she was on the ground in front of me. I was shocked as KK has never bailed or fallen before. After making sure she was not hurt, I put her back on the DW and she performed the DW flawlessly and finished the run. After reviewing the video, it is apparent she was blown off the DW by a gust of wind. You can see the fan blades speed up while KK was running. KK was undeterred and finished her Elite Standard Title the next run.

Marley got to run one run. She Q'd in her favorite event, tunnelers. Just the fact that I get to run with her again is priceless. I never thought it would happen, but it did. Even if Marley only runs a tunnelers run every so often, it doesn't matter. What does matter is I got to run with her again.You never know when your last run with your best friend will be, so cherish each and every run. I know I do.